I think I need
an intervention … another night lost to mahjong solitaire.  I
should have been paying bills and correcting papers, so I guess it may
be a late night tonight.  I have been putting in almost 11-hour
days and then coming home to do more work, so I guess a night of
mindless activity here and there is okay.



Tomorrow will be a long day
since I have to plan for a substitute on Friday.  My stepmom’s
mother passed away, and her funeral is on Friday.  It’s on a work
day and about two hours from here, but I really feel like I should
go.  I just hate missing work.  In the past ten years I’ve
only missed a handful of days.  I think I have more than seventy
sick days accumulated … that’s how infrequently I miss school. 
Usually, if I can walk, I go.  There have
been a couple of times when I had vertigo and literally couldn’t walk
… those were stay at home days, obviously.  Other than that, I
go to work even if I’m sick.  It’s just so much trouble to plan
for a sub, and the kids get all crazy because their routine is
broken.  They’re like a bunch of little Rainmen. 



I think I’ll request a mean
substitute; that way the kids appreciate me more when I return. 
The worst thing is having a fantastic sub … then the kids feel
disappointed when you come back. 



Regarding my someday new car
… what I really want is a small hybrid SUV, but the only one on the
market is the Ford Explorer.  As much as I’d like to support
American automakers, I just don’t want to spend more than $20k on
something I can’t count on.  My father has an Explorer and every
time I’m in it, it’s making some new scary sound, and my mom and dad
had horrific experiences with their Ford.  Toshi and I did test
drive a Jeep Liberty, but it feels like perpetual offroading. 
Toyota makes a Highlander SUV, but it’s too expensive and a bit too
big.  It’s great technology, I just wish they would be a little
quicker about getting other models to market.  I did look at the
Prius, and it’s really cool.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t meet
my needs.  What I like about the RAV4 is that it has a stowaway
third row seat (which is great for hauling kids) but it’s still small
and fuel efficient.  Still not absolutely sure, but that’s the way
I’m leaning.



So, I’m off to pay bills, take a shower, and go to bed.  I’ve got thoughts on Indigolady’s
last post swimming in my head, and they’re making me nostalgic and
gloomy.  The past is the past, and there’s no way to change
it.  And the present feels pretty hopeless in that department …
despite how things may look here on the surface.  So here’s to the
future … and maybe a good dream tonight to tide me over.

Treat your mind like a bad neighborhood - don't go
there alone.
	--quote overheard (not by me ) in a 12 step meeting